Dance Moves

As someone with a very strong type-A personality I am often tormented by the things that I cannot do well and by the things I cannot do at all. One of these things is a dance move. On the weekend before Halloween, I attended a costume party at a friend’s house who was fortunately enough to be born on Halloween. We turned her living room rug into a dance floor and busted out to tunes from the late 90s ("If you’ve got a $100 bill, put your hands up!"). This is when I saw my roommate, B, do a move that we named, “Throw Your Tits Up”. In short, the dancer pops her rib cage in a way that her breasts are thrust upwards and are suspended momentarily in mid-air before bouncing back to their original position. The bounce, in time with a pop in the music, is key. With a history as a dancer, I am well versed in chest isolations, but being flat-chested, I lacked the bounce required to give this move the “umph” it required. B, who is not well endowed either, didn’t think that this was what was holding me back. At the time, I blamed my padded bra and my lack of experience. The latter excuse was abolished when a new comer, who was incredibly well endowed, had no problem throwing her tits up on the first try. In frustration, I again blamed the padded bra, but when a guy who had come to the party dressed as Silent Bob could throw his tits up, I was beside myself. Then again, his tits may have been bigger than mine.

I had managed to blocked out the memory of my lack of skillz until this weekend. On Thursday night, I went out with K to meet up with some friends at Disco Bingo. It was my first time and I have to say that China Doll, the drag queen hostess, was a riot and that Shanghai makes a mean lychee martini. It’s worth tasting a second time just to make sure. The pork dumplings were also pretty freakin good. Anyway, I was bopping along to the disco beats the DJ was pumping out, popping my chest in an effort to throw my tits up, when my friend's bf looked at me incredulous and asked what I was doing. Then he did an imitation of me that involved pumping his bent arms beside his head in a horizontal abomination of the chicken dance. In my defense, I had not been using my arms, but I still wondered whether I really looked like Greg Kinnear's character dancing with his family at the end of Little Miss Sunshine. Superfreak had been playing at the time.

Saturday night I vowed to conquer the tit bounce. We drove up to Wakefield to see Mr. Something Something at the Black Sheep. Wakefield is gorgeous, by the way. As usual, the dance floor was packed and every chance I got, I practiced the move. K was confused about what I was trying to do until she saw B execute it in all of its glory while grunting "Yeah". I was completely green with envy. Why can’t my breasts do that?? I guess Morrisey was on to something when he sang, "Some girls are bigger than others".

Comments

[B]

tonight, after dinner, and while on a knitting break, we will throw our boobs... perhaps you need some bellydancing musical inspiration? I will take you through the glorious process step by step until you're throwing your boobs all over the place ;) haha

[Choochie]

It's a time like this where I have to ask... why are you limiting yourself to one dance move?
go forth, work the butt, girate the hips and bust a move... life's too short to worry about the chest bounce. (by the way... the chest bounce can be done with an emphasis on the up motion... or the down motion... maybe you'd master the down emphasis???)

[StevieP]

I just tried this out and my co-workers are claiming maximum success. You can do it, put your back into it!

Also, (graphic disclaimer), it commonly happens when "on top" all by itself. Magic.